I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
