don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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