im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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