When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Only a mothe r could love this liver
im six kinds of drunk right now
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
