He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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