Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love you. Go after that dick
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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