i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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