i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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