he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
