I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
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she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
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I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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