shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
