garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I've blown a few things in my day
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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