If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
