taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize