Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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