Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
