fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
