im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize