I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
