Me too!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
