Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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