We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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