I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
