I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
