An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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