:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
