New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
