his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
