what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
