The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
