She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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