yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
