it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
