sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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