we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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