i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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