Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
