I smell stomach acid.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
