We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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