I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
