I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
