So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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