I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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