His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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