i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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