i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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