I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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