Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
