His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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