u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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