Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Even my vagina gasped.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
