I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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