Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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