I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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