At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
