Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
someone owes me an orgasm
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
