he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
