Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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